The Adventures of Neville's Great Aunt Enid
by DolbyDigital
Summary: There are a lot of rumours surrounding Neville's Great Aunt Enid. Sometimes it's hard to separate truth from fiction.
1. Rumours

_[summary] –_ Rumours – _There are a lot of rumours surrounding Neville's Great Aunt Enid. Sometimes it's hard to separate truth from fiction._

 **A/N -** This is for my fellow Wanderers. Ask, and you shall receive. Or, in this case, make a joke and watch as Em takes it too far.

Some of these are taken from things my teammates have said :)

So, FF, Carmen, Liza, Rose, Lynn, Dina, and Myc, this is for you:

* * *

"What can I tell you about Neville's Great Aunt Enid?"

"I heard she was involved in the Goblin Rebellions!"

"Don't be ridiculous! The last one was in the eighteenth century. It's no wonder you failed History of Magic!"

"Maybe she had a Time-Turner! You don't know!"

"Well, _I_ heard she pioneered women's Quidditch!"

"Is she old enough for that?"

"I heard she went to Hogwarts with McGonagall."

"Well, _I_ heard it was Dumbledore."

"She can't be that old. Didn't she used to have a thing with the Minister?"

"I thought it was Rosemerta."

" _Rosemerta?_ Really?"

"It's more believable than the Minister!"

"Yeah, didn't Neville's Great Aunt Enid steal a thestral once?

"I thought it was a dragon."

"A _dragon_? Did you get hit by the Whomping Willow?"

"No. But I heard Neville's Great Aunt Enid decorated it with Muggle fairy lights once."

"Well, that's blatantly not true. It can't have been there when she was still at Hogwarts."

"Who said she was a student when she did it?"

"Well, she did have some pretty wild and crazy teenage years."

"I heard she just got worse as she aged."

"Yeah, didn't she get banned from three Wetherspoons in the last year?"

"I'm pretty sure it was at least seven."

"Honestly, she seems like the sort of person who hits people with her walking stick when they annoy her."

"I bet she only keeps it for the aesthetic."

"I heard she shrunk down a live Hippogryph and used it as a decoration."

"I imagine the ministry would have put a stop to that pretty quick."

"Probably. But I bet she just got more creative after that."

"And her dance moves are legendary!"

"How does she find the time to dance? I heard she was always getting herself sent to St Mungo's."

"I thought those were mostly potions mishaps."

"So she can't be very good, then."

"No, I think she's just really into experimental potions."

"Yeah, that's a pretty risky area."

"But she _does_ give really awesome advice, though."

"I bet it's all pretty mean."

"I guess. But apparently she's always down for Firewhisky."

"And she always gets the first round."

"I bet none of this is true. No one's life is as interesting as all that."


	2. Meeting Aunt Enid

_"_ _What can I tell you about Neville's Great Aunt Enid?"_

.oOo.

"So, what's your Aunt like?" Alice asked, nervously tapping her foot on the floor of the Three Broomsticks.

"Haven't you met her?" Frank asked. "She used to run this place."

"Really? But she's your Aunt. She can't be retired."

"She's not retired, so much as… taking a break," he said carefully. "You'll see when you get here. Besides, she still owns the place," he added.

"Your Aunt owns the Three Broomsticks and you still have to pay full price?"

"Well, yeah," he said as if it should have been obvious. "She doesn't believe in just giving people things."

"Oh, that's– What? What is it?" she asked when Frank turned to the door. "Oh, God, is that her?" Alice had paled, staring at the woman who had just entered with wide eyes.

Her black cloak fell to her ankles, billowing out behind her, and she had a cane clutched tightly in one hand. Her overall appearance would have been quite menacing if it weren't for the red plastic frames of the large sunglasses which covered most of her face, and stood out starkly against her pale skin.

Alice turned to glance at Frank, and when she looked back the woman was gone.

"Whe–" Alice began.

"Greet your Aunt properly!" The sudden voice startled Alice, and she turned quickly to see that the woman had somehow made it behind Frank. She was holding her cane somewhat recklessly, poised as though she might use it to hit Frank. The way he was rubbing the back of his head indicated, however, that she might have already done so.

"Hello, Aunt Enid," Frank said dutifully, if somewhat monotonously, standing to hug her. "It was good of you to–"

"And who is this?" Enid asked, pushing Frank aside with her cane and peering at Alice through her glasses.

"This is Alice," he said. "I wanted you to–"

"Ah, so this is the girlfriend." Enid pushed her glasses to the top of her head to get a better look. "You could do better than this idiot," she said, gesturing to her nephew with her cane.

"Hey!" Frank objected. "And will you stop using your cane like that! It is intended to help you walk, and that is all!" Enid made a harrumphing sound and poked her nephew in the side with her cane.

"I like your glasses," Alice said with a shy smile.

"I got them for free, can you believe? They were just _giving_ them away!"

"I can believe that," Frank muttered.

"Where did you get them?" Alice asked, either ignoring Frank or deliberately trying to annoy him.

"Oh, that's a story for another time, dear," Enid said, resting her cane against the table leg and taking a seat. Alice frowned, turning back to the cane – was the topper _moving_? – trying to subtly get a better look. "Do you like it? It used to be– Well, perhaps that's one for another time, too."

"So, how was Romania?" Frank asked, sitting down.

"Oh, I had a spot of bother," she said. "Had to leave pretty quickly." She waved her hand as if it were nothing. "But France is lovely this time of year." She removed her glasses from her head, folded them, and put them in front of her on the table. "Go get me a Firewhisky, Frank," she said.

"But I'm underage." The look she gave him could peel paint. "Right. Sorry."

She turned to Alice.

"I think it's about time you and I got to know each other."

.oOo.

"I'm sorry about her," Frank said as they were making their way down the path towards the castle. "Sometimes I forget how–"

"Are you insane!" Alice interrupted. "I wish she was my aunt!"

"Really?" Frank asked, somewhat sceptically. "She doesn't get any less crazy than that."

"Good!" Alice said emphatically. "I bet she's great at parties."


End file.
